Sydney_Iron 4:40 Tue Mar 24
Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Just been told I need one, and something else with a name I cant remember but will be removing a piece of my guts for a biopsy, all precautionary ive been told but has put the willeys up me (if you know what I mean), I cant eat for 24 hours before hand and have to take some medication to basically clear my system out so good few hours on the bog by the sounds of things
The specialist I saw was a real charmer, got me to pull my strides down and then curl up in the foetal position with my arse hanging over the side of a bed, then he shoved his finger up my arse and had a rummage around, it was the most unpleasant experience I have ever had at the doctors and stung like fuck when he pulled his finger out, how the homos think this is pleasurable is really beyond me.
Cant Wait……….
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Replies - Newest Posts First ( Show In Chronological Order)
Spandex Sidney
5:32 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I had a cystoscopy a few years, FUCKING HELL!!!
I'd rather have a camera shoved up my arse hole ANY FUCKING DAY OF THE WEEK than one up my japs eye.
Especially as when they brought it out it was one of those shoulder mounted JVC jobs from the 1980's. It was like the nasal scene in Total Recall, in reverse.
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Far Cough
1:33 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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billy, I was the same, the laxatives are not working, or so I thought, so I sat on the pan just to see if anything happens and whoosh, it was like Niagara Falls fell out of my jacksie
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Ditcher
1:25 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I had a cystocopy about 4 years ago.
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chim chim cha boo
1:23 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Good luck Billy.
I've had two, one on the NHS and one private.
The only difference is that after the private one the doctor gives you a little peck on the cheek.
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billywhitehorse
1:08 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Can you change the subject? I have got one this afternoon at University College.
I am also getting concerned about the train journey. I took the laxatives yesterday and nothing has happened.
Will probably kick in on the way there so if you see any signs about delays on the Victoria Line ...
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RayleighGH
11:42 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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No fella what the fuck is that
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Banjo
11:42 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Ronald_antly 8:23 Tue Mar 24
Is it uploaded to you tube perchance?
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i-Ron
11:05 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Haha! That made me laugh Sidney
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Spandex Sidney
10:57 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I had one a few years ago. When the consultant shoved his fingers up my arse he said 'It's quite common to get an erection during this procedure"
I looked down and said "naah doc, nothing doing down there"
He said 'I wasn't talking about you'
TA BOOM DISH!!
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gph
10:54 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I had one a couple of years ago.
They found fuck all wrong.
All I did to get this treatment was to mention that I was feeling constipated when seeing the quack about something else. No pain, no blood in the shit, nothing but the constipation (and my moderately advanced years, I suppose).
Don't worry about being on the bog for hours. When I took the medicine (my first and only suppository), I was empty in minutes.
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Tommy Dickfingers
10:47 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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After8 is your man. Gets one every other night
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Off The Shin
10:37 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I did a massive fart once and ended up completely shitting myself.
Was my dad's funeral too , horrible moment.
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Raymond Duck
10:37 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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I had one last year - can't say it was the most pleasant experience but didn't take too long. Was drugged up beforehand but still knew what was going on. Diagnosis was Crohns Disease so it at least it was worthwhile.
Hope it all turns out okay for you squire
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i-Ron
10:28 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Yes I had one about 4 years ago.
My intestines were completely covered in red raw/yellow pus like ulcers, when they got around the first corner by my right hip I woke up in agony and I called him a cunt and told him to remove it. It was completely instinctive as the pain was one of the worst I've ever felt. They had to hold me down and give me more sedative drugs.
Afterwards I woke up and they were wheeling me next door and gave me a tea and sandwich as I'd had to have liquids so not eaten for 2 days and had laxatives to flush me out.
As I was drinking this tea I had this alrighty and unbearable urge to shi immediatelyt. A nurse had to help me walk across the ward into the toilet, which felt like about 5 minutes as I was so fucked up on the drugs.
When I sat down I did the loudest and most glorious fart ever. It must have lasted nearly 60 seconds, and I was laughing my head off as the ward must have heard it but I couldn't control it.
What a great fart that was. You've got that to look forward too.
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roltrader
10:23 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Grindr would be easier
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Sydney_Iron
10:22 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Ronald_antly 8:22 Tue Mar 24
Ron, if you have medical insurance you just pay the Gap (excess) to have it done?, and considering most Aussies have medical insurance otherwise you pay a higher rate of tax im covered, and the excess is a couple of hundred dollars which is not much when you think its you health that’s at stake, the specialist I saw said I could have it done in a Public hospital but would have to go on a waiting list and that could be well over a year, fuck that, if a specialist thinks I need this doing, i want it done ASAP, so 23rd April its trousers down.
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munkyfunk
10:21 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Moviprep drink to clear you out is vile.
Literally liquid shit pouring.out your arse.until nothing left.
I was.sparko for mine all i remember is.wwffling.somenold shit in the refovery room.when it was.done..
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Far Cough
10:15 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Yeah, just had one at both ends, the arse one hurt like fuck because they pump it full of air for a better look but it gives you cramps
Don't forget to take your laxatives the day before, that stuff makes you shit like a water fountain
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Private Dancer
10:11 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Ants - Both procedures use a long flexible tube with a camera attached, but yea you're right in what you say.
I would have thought a man of your means would go private?.
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Honest Hammer
9:52 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Make sure he doesn't have both arms on your shoulders.
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Scraper
8:25 Tue Mar 24
Re: Anyone had a Colonoscopy
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Endoscopy applies to both routes btw
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